So where to start. i get asked frequently by folks that dont and have not previously owned guns, what do i buy my wife for her first handgun?…. Well alot goes into this, and remarkably- after i am asked, i get huge push back and but but but…. Well if you ask someone and they give feedback but you dont like the answers, or dont want to hear the answers, why fucking ask?
First question to ask is…. Honey, do you want a gun, OR, honey, why do you want a gun? I find it hilarious that a person who won’t spank or discipline their own kids would be willing to or actually use said implement. If your wife says I want a gun for self-protection, but can’t empty a mouse trap, or speak up for herself in public if she feels she was slighted, she is never going to instinctively go down this path. While she may put herself in harms way to protect the kids from physical harm, or try to stand up for herself if attacked, she is not going to become the aggressor to deadly force standards.
IF your wife didnt ask for this “present” or responsibility, nothing you do will change her to it. If she didnt initiate this, she will not want to take classes, spend the money on the ammo and the training, or want it to be in the house “where the kids might get it”. It will have no bearing if you have it locked in a safe in the nightstand, it is in a safe in the closet or anything of that nature. She will never feel comfortable, regardless of your bluster and blather.
96% of us will fail in trying to teach the wife anything…. ever… We will insist she does this or that, that is what i learned in the service, that is what i saw on you tube, a friend of mine who knows a navy seal that learned from a Ranger that was taught by a guy in The Unit that said this is the only way to do it. IMO….. find a good and proper range, that teaches intro and intermediate and advanced classes and has female certified instructors and hand her over. Your wife will feel less vulnerable around another women or a group of women. She will hear and understand what the woman is telling her without it being a pissing contest, and the woman instructor can explain that while guys do this, this may work better for a woman, with hand size, grip strength, dominant eye and focus issues and what day of the month it is and what cheek to hold your tongue in.
I also believe that just buying your wife what you want so you can use it when she is not, is YOUR FAILURE. I dont care what works for you, if she wont use it then you have achieved nothing. I fully believe that to be successful in this, for a spouse that hasnt served, didnt grow up in or around guns in the family, or had an asshat for a dad that either wasnt present or didnt feel he needed to expose her to them, you have to start small and reasonably.
It is my opinion that you take the wife to a proper indoor gun range that has rental weapons (pistols). I am not trying to be a dick but hear me out. IF you go to said gun range and they have 22s that are similar to full power guns, ie a 45 with a kimber 22 cal slide, or a SW M&P in 22 or a Walther in 22 or, or, or…. she can try to fire a gun that doesn’t flip around to her face and she won’t be flinch or gun shy from trigger pull one. Yes, i know we all want her to want the .50 deagle and the 454 wheelgun…. meanwhile….. It is also my opinion that the initial range trip will be better received when she feels she can control the weapon, it is not a giant fireball, and didn’t dislocate her wrist. Also, her being able to see that she can hit something on the paper is a large confidence booster. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
After you get a couple mags downrange, give HER the control to shoot more or different/larger weapons, or to call it a night. If you force it, she will run.
Talk about the other weapons in the range case before you leave and ask her if anything catches her eye, or if there is something she “wants” to try even on the next range trip. You will know how it is going to go. If you go with “I know best” and you buy her what you want her to have, you are wasting money that could get you a gun, or you are putting that gun on consignment and having to buy her another while taking the loss on the 1st one, which will piss her off as well. yeah, yeah, you run the house and you’re in charge of the money. Which is why you go home to her at night and want her to adore you and see you as the great white knight. They have what we want. Get over yourself.
When you go back to the range, if they are worth their salt, they will let her handle the guns at the counter and check the grip size to her hand, and again 9mm, 38, etc for next step, wheel gun versus autoloader…. AGAIN, it is about her and her comfort and ability not yours. You can get her to try the SW M&P 9 compact and then get full size mags and grip sleeves for you if you want. If you get her a full-size and she has 3 inches of grip under her pinkie and you might have problems.
Once you have a few range sessions with her, and you have explained the dominant eye, the basic stance and grip, and squeeze and she has hit paper, ask her if there is one she feels that fits her, and she is comfortable firing. Next…. can she even rack the slide by herself? some of the compacts and sub compacts have pretty stiff recoil springs. If she cant charge it by herself, without some safety hazard shenanigans, then it isn’t for her. There is a possibility that the instructor class comes with a rental gun. She can run some drills with said gun and make sure she is ok with it under instruction versus you telling her all the things to do.
While this might take weeks or months, and maybe a couple hundred dollars for the range sessions etc. it is way cheaper than buying and rebuying a gun that you hope she will like and will fit her. Once she gets some classes in and sees that it doesn’t shoot by itself, doesn’t kill people by itself, and all the other lefty shit, she might really like shooting some interactive targets (steel) or playing poker against you on the range and all the other stuff. Hell, she might even want to get into pistol matches, Cowboy Action Shooting or any of the other disciplines. But if you rush it, or over caliber it, you will never know. She will also never want to have that gun in the house or think about it for self/home defense.
Show don’t Tell: I married my wife in 1990 while in the Army. She grew up in a house with her Dad having a bbgun. She was against guns, didn’t hunt, etc etc etc…. It took me a while to get her to shoot, starting small, then getting her her first gun, and wanting to go shoot. We are 4 pistols in for her now, she gets and understands why I want her to be armed. we have the bedside gun safes, she has light and laser, knows how to use them, and honestly, I don’t think she ever will. Just not her thought process. We have 2 daughters that both have been introduced and both shoot. Both have asked “can we go again”, but it is not the weekly activity that I wish it was. I firmly believe that they have to drive the will and desire to shoot, or it is money wasted that could be used to spend quality time together doing other activities.